so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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