I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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