and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
