i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
