I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
