oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
