guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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