apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
