All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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