Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
