i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
