mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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