Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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