You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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