If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
