In the future we'll all be gay
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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