dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
