Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
