Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
