I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
