She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
