dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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