I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
