I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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