I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
