So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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