I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
