I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
