i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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