Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
