my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
