New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
