3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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