North Korea, Best Korea!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
