thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't deserve a penis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
