You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
