I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Found the puke drawer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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