From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
