Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I only lived at night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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