What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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