he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
