Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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