if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
