Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
