$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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