I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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