I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
