How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
