Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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