there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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