hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Enjoy the penises
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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