This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize