Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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