I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
