Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
