im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
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Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
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You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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