I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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