chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
