I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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