How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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