I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
