But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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