People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
