I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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