i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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