You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
