3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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