best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
